Inner Strength

So tomorrow came and went, I apologise, and I ended up going to hospital with excruciating pains up and down my left leg that only seemed to get worse on a daily basis. After finding out that I had Lactic Acid on my muscle caused by not walking let alone running for some time before I stupidly decided to run up that hill, I broke down a wept for what felt like forever.

What is wrong with me? I should just quit. I am a failure. I am pathetic. I have let myself down and embarrassed myself in front of the world. I was ready to delete this blog and just pretend the whole thing had never happened. But then I would be a quitter.

The truth is I did this to myself. It is what I always do. I push too hard knowing in the back of my mind it will be my downfall and then I beat myself up about it for weeks after. My eagerness to actually reach my goal is stopping me from getting there and although I have only myself to blame, it is blaming myself all the time that seems to keep getting me in this position.

So what now? Now, as a wise man said, I have to walk before I can run. I go back to the drawing board. I walk walk walk and maybe after another ten kilos have been shed I will be able to run again. And when I do I will take it slow. I will start from the beginning, because as I said from the beginning of this blog, It is a marathon not a sprint.

Do I feel down? Of course I do. But this is real I guess. For those people who are still reading this tragic blog, it is the reality of a hard situation. Not everyone can simply wake up one morning, decide to run a marathon and then six months later cross the finish line and move onto the next challenge. For some of us it takes much much longer and involves a lot more inner strength to keep going.

And what gives me strength? Well the fact that since I began writing this blog a handful of people I know have started running and have either run or will be running a marathon next year. And for that I am proud. And I hope that one day, sooner that imagine I will be running again too!

Getting up that hill

So it has really been 7 months since I plucked up the courage to even look at this blog, never mind contribute anything towards it. Despite the fact that in the last 7 months (ok the last 3 months have been a total bust due to personal issues) I have been working my little butt off to shrink my butt further, I have still been so ashamed of the fact that I have not been running. The Marathon that we had been planning to run came and went and my admiration for my brother-in-law who completed it in 3.45 hours was marred by my self loathing for not being there running by his side… ok running far behind him, but still running!

And then there have been the awkward meetings. The bumping into people I met a year ago whose first question is, “So how is the running going?” to which my response is an er… erm… er… followed by a red blushed shamefaced face and then the line which sounds more and more false the more I say it, “I was having problems with my knees so I have put running on hold until I get to the right weight for my frame so that I do not damage my knees further.” Oh the shame. I mean seriously who buys that shit! I am the one having problems with my knees and even I don’t believe it. Seriously girl if you want to quit then quit!

The problem is that; call it stubbornness, call it tenacity, I just do not want to quit. I want to run that race. I want to cross the finish line and feel that feeling I felt when I finished the 3k and the 5k runs… Yes relief, but also a serious sense of pride. I did it! I can do it! And as you are all my witnesses, I will do it!

Today I decided to put all my urges to stay in and swaddle myself in my duvet to the side and go for a morning workout. My workouts nowadays consist of one hour speed walking, followed by squats, lunges and weights (on alternate days). As this was the first day I have done any exercise in a while I decided to stick to the walk with my wrist weights and at 6.30am I was out of the house, pounding the pavement. I could definitely feel in my legs the difference between this morning’s workout and the last time I worked out. My thighs were aching, but I was enjoying the pain, like the first stretch in the morning… it feels good!

Three quarters of the way around and I began my walk up the hill towards the last stretch home. I could run that. I mean not sprint it or anything, but I could jog up that hill. But what about my knees? Well they have had a good old rest. I could just test them out a little. See what their reaction is. So I jogged up that hill and you know what? Yes I felt tired and breathless afterwards, but for the first time in a year I felt that feeling that I felt when I crossed the finish line. I felt proud of myself.

I’ll tell you how my knees are feeling tomorrow… I am back in the game!

What’s a girl to do?

Before the 5k run I had somewhat of a breakdown. “Another one?” you may say, and I guess that would be fair enough… anyway moving on, I broke down, filled with doubt, filled with self-loathing and for the first time I felt like slapping myself around the face a few times before wrapping myself in bubble wrap and giving up. But I did not want to give up, so instead I took to verbally abusing myself, drill sergeant style. Yes Sir!

Some said I was being too hard on myself, and yes I guess it would have appeared to be so, but I could not shake the feeling in my head that if I truly was being 'so hard on myself' that I would look anorexic by now and would be running 5k no problem… or perhaps collapsing 1k into the 5k run because I am anorexic… I could ponder this matter for hours. However, as it stands I have been training for 4 months now (not including stoppage time due to injuries) and lost a total of 5 kilos on a good day and 3 kilos on a bloated day.

I wish I could say that I see a drastic difference in my body, but although I definitely feel a difference in my legs and arms, my middle section seems as big as ever and my jeans sit the same… In fact as my legs and arms have shrunk I feel like I am beginning to look not too dissimilar from Violet Beauregarde when she turns into a blueberry. And with how bloated I have been feeling lately a good juicing might actually do me good! Ok perhaps more like an Umpa Lumpa then!

You may think me vain, but this is not vanity talking. This is a need to be able to get up that hill without my legs cursing me with every step because I am carrying to heavy a load on top of them. At the beginning I kept telling myself, “The more you persist, the more weight you will lose and the easier it will become.” But 4 months on it I see little change in ease or weight. Am I really being too hard on myself?

After breaking down to my sister we discovered 2 things.

1. We do not stretch enough
2. 30 to 40 minutes of running 5 times a week may not be enough

Bearing this in mind we approached our next run with a serious stretching session beforehand. Fifteen minutes of stretching followed by ten minutes walking and then a little final stretch before running, and the result? The result was a big improvement! And I finished the run with far more energy than I had prior to the 3k run. Success!

But a week on and the weight has stayed exactly the same.

(sigh)

So what am I to do? Maybe just running is not enough. I guess if I really want to change my life I have to see this all for what it is… A life change. So what if I spend more of my life in my trainers than in heals! I haven’t really worn heals for years anyway. So what if I see my trainer and running buddies more than my friends. I can get new friends! Or my current friends can jump on the train and join me! Either way I cannot cope with another 4 months of the same. We have 9 months until we aim to run the full marathon and there is no way I am going to be the same weight now for that! “Hello Heart Attack!!!!”

In order to get my head around my new time schedule I wrote a list of things I have to do every week and how often I need to do them in order to be working towards my goal.

To Do

1. Sit ups every morning (as many as you can building up weekly)
2. Scheduled Run (5 times a week)
3. Personal Training Session including weight training (Once a week – I have 6 sessions left)
4. Yoga – (Once a week – for spiritual relaxation, stretching and toning the body)
5. Contact Nutrition friend for an emergency powwow and solve this mystery
6. Contact Mentor and see if maybe I am ready to trail behind her running
7. Find the joy in running again!! Might require fixing Ipod.

So far I have done sit ups every other morning (since Sunday), and contacted my Nutritionist friend and Mentor, but have as yet to book a day to run together… So much to do!!!

Duck it!

For real! So in all the time that we trained up for the second leg of our marathon program, and ran the 5k, I never wrote one blog? Can that be so? I feel like every time I run I have been writing blogs along the way, but it would appear that my brain sadly is not a Blackberry and telepathy blogging has not come into existence yet, so really non of you have been hearing what has been going on in my little head during this big adventure.

Not necessarily a bad thing, because as some would say, I have been a big whinger throughout most of it. Not the whole of it… No after the 3k run I was full of enthusiasm and all pumped up ready to battle the next 2 to make 5k. However within a week I found that I simply could not do it.

At first I thought I was just having a bad day, but when that day went on for a week I realised something was not right. I kept reaching the first 1.5k and feeling ready to collapse. Determined I would keep going until I felt ready to throw up, then walk it out for a minute or so and then run the rest trying either to let the vomit just do its thing and come out, or hold it in as I tried to focus on the finish line.

More importantly I tried to block out the, “I cannot do this” thought that was going through my head every time I ran. It is funny somehow that the more you try to block it out, the louder it is. I felt like I was a child battling against an older self, cowering in the corner screaming back, “But I want to!!” but the scream was more of a whimper and I just could not stand up to myself.

This is where I thank the lord every day that I have my sister by my side watching my every run and knowing the point to say, “Ok Channah what is going on? Lets fix this already. You are not stretching enough… We are going to add more stretching to our workouts.”

And like the Good which of the North Glinda she waved her magic wand (made me do 15 minutes solid stretching) and suddenly I could run again! Ok I was not going to make such a fool out of myself on the 5k run!!

And if you check out the pictures below you will see we did. Ok so I had to walk part of the way up hill (note to oneself, must learn to run uphill) but I did not care. I was proud of us for doing it! And in any case… there are going to be many more race to come!!

Running to the finish line

All the runners and walkers!!! What stars!

Check it!

So we did it. Our first run, 3 kilometres around Raánana park with the entire population of the city and neighbouring towns as our running buddies and at time hindrances. There is something about running in a Fun Run that is just not fun. I am not sure whether it was the children that I kept tripping over or their parents who insisted on walking in the middle of the track that annoyed me more… “Walkers stick to the left!! Let me run in the fast lane!”

Seriously though it was an experience, especially for someone whose past experiences of Fun Runs had been walking at the back of the pack and whose current experience of running had been more of the one on one variety. So after a while I got used to swatting children out of my way and began to see the fun in the run.

The t-shirts were a big hit. On the way to the run I suddenly realised that the run was in Israel and that perhaps an English t-shirt might not get the reaction that we were hoping for, but then we realised that being in Raánana there were no shortage of Anglos to find the humour in our dress. And sure enough before we reached the crowd heading to the finish line we had people walking by, turning their heads to find out why they should quit checking out our asses. High five! It worked.

Even two days later, Dalya and I began our run with meeting a lady running while pushing her baby in a sporty push chair who saw us coming towards her in the distance and said, “I have a picture taken of me at the run with you girls… Great T-shirts!” Hopefully the message got across.

Anyway, back to the 3k run, we did it! We crossed the finish line together, grinning from ear to ear and ready to do our ready prepared victory dance for our supporters, but in the craziness we lost our fan club and instead we queued up to get water… Yes Israel is slightly less organised on the re-hydration front that I had expected from watching the end of the London Marathon, but on the up side it was only a five minute walk home so we could afford to wait a little for aqua.

So for all those out there who did not think we would get this far. Yes we did. For those of you who doubt if we will go any further, we are running 5k in Bet Shemesh on April 4th. And if you still don’t believe it, well get off your asses and come see for yourself! Seriously… quit checking mine out and check out YOURS! Run people run!

Going for Gold

The heat is on… Friday is race day. Now I know that I had previously said that we were going to ignore the fact that we were no-where-near ready and embark on a kamikaze mission to complete the 10km run, but after much thought and the realisation that there was a 3km run going on at the same time, we decided to lower our expectations and stick to what we could achieve.

So this Friday morning we are running the 3km run in Ra’anana. I still have no idea what time it is at, nor have we signed up for it yet, but we shall be running it even if I have to pull one of my Miss Personality acts, just turning up on the day and winning them over with my smile. The T-shirts have also yet to be made, however today is the day that we are finalizing the front logo. So if you have any more great ideas let me know NOW!

In the meantime we have finished the beginners 2 mile run and we have begun the 5km Training Schedule. It is the shortest program, as there really is little difference between 2 miles and 5km, and they expect that 5km will be the standard run that we do for the future. All this seems perfectly logical and nothing I can really argue with, that is until I get out on the road and then I have my doubts.

As we measured out the run in my car, we soon realised that the extra kilometres to our run were not simply an additional short stretch of road. No, the extra kilometres amounted to, after running the whole way around the park, completing another half of the route. One and a half times around Ra’anana Park is approximately 3 miles (4.8km). Including the walk back to the beginning of the park and the walk from my parents’ house to the park and back again the total distance is 5.2 miles (8.5km).

To be honest, none of the walking distance was in my mind when we began the run. All that was in my mind was getting to the half way point of the bridge which would make the end of the run. And yet by the time we reached the bridge the first time around my legs felt numb, my calves were stiff and my breathing was heavy. Time to push through the pain barrier; block out the voice saying, “How the hell am I going to do a full lap of the park now!” and just chant the words, “I can, I will.” I can, I will… it is also very good for steadying my breathing.

The shocking thing is we did! We even managed to pick up the pace somewhat towards the end (Dalya outdid me by sprinting to her finish… I just about ran). We had decided to time the run, as it was the hardest run we did so far and would ultimately become our standard run, so we wanted to know our time so we can improve on it. Now understanding that this was our first time… 40 minutes. 3 miles (4.8km) in 40 minutes! Now ok I know professionals get through 3 miles in around 15 minutes, but I thought for a first attempt this was a pretty solid time. I remembered my mentor once saying to me that 5k is approximately 30 minutes of running at an average pace. So we are not that far away from the average. Yes I am pretty proud of that right now.

The funny thing that has happened is that I am really looking forward to my runs. I never thought I would reach the point where I enjoyed running, and yet here I am looking forward to my next run and wondering if I can better time. I am no longer nervous about running in public. I am no longer concerned about completing the 3km race. I am more focussed on the next race… the 5km race we will be running at the beginning of next month.

Got Enema?

Time has flown by so quickly and I cannot believe that it is now a month since I last wrote. I am ashamed to say a month… I mean I made a promise that I would do this; do all of it including document the entire process and how can I do that when I am missing out entire months of details? Truth be told, I have lost a little of the momentum and to go out running, immediately come home and write about it is just an addition chore I don’t exactly loath, but would rather avoid most evenings.

It is truly a shame as most of the time while I am running my head is filled with witty anecdotes and musings that I would like to write about the life of a runner, but then I get home worn out, limp into a shower and allow the hot water to steam the thoughts out of my head and I walk zombie like to my bed and collapse.

I would like to emphasise at this point that although I may collapse into bed, it is a satisfied fall. We are now running distances instead of time and although it is hard and I am still plagued with doubt that we can actually do this, after running 2 miles yesterday with a 5 minute break in the middle. I have to say that I certainly have it in me. Whether I can step up to the plate on the day is another matter.

Since I last wrote we have also decided to partake in our first race. A 10k run in Ra’anana on March 14^th, 2008. Now I know that we are no way near ready to run a full 10k, maybe 5k at a stretch, but the idea is that we run as much as we can, walk the rest and ultimately get the ball rolling. I would like to stress to all those out there who are planning on coming to see us, we are not running to prove that we can do it, we know we can’t, we are doing it purely to spread awareness of Colon Cancer… ergo I am hunting for inspiration for CCA (Colon Cancer Awareness) T-shirts. I have seen little out there currently that is suitable, so I figured I would call on our supporters to come up with an appropriate slogan, but other than “Got Enema?” we have got very few suggestions back… I guess people are more sensitive about their bottoms than I thought.

Dad: I don’t want to see anything too rude
ME: So no a*$#hole?
Dad: No
ME: What about “How’s your Anus?”
Dad: No
ME: What about “Got the Runs?”
Dad: Am I expected to wear a T-shirt?
ME: Yes
Dad: No

Please HELP! Post your suggestions below... please!

Smack That

It would seem that this flu thing going around is hitting everyone twice and not to be one to be left out, I have once again spent the beginning of this week back in bed with a temperature and a runny nose. I have to say that the last couple of days have truly opened my eyes to what it must be to live ones life as a narcoleptic.

However, moving on and feeling once again my perky self I headed back to the gym to carry on with the training. Although after so much time off I was not really sure where to start. Should I go back to where I started from after my first relapse or should I just continue on as form. Right or wrong I decided to just push on and somewhere in the second half of my workout I felt a strange sensation surging up from my stomach and wondered to myself if it was just the need to pass gas.

Ok now… I know this may not be the most ladylike conversation, but truth be told exercise loosens the muscles and if done well, all the muscles. Not one person out there cannot admit to letting one rip in the middle of a yoga class, especially a yoga class! It is pretty much just part of nature.

When running outside one gives little thought to breaking wind as you are breaking a sweat, but when inside surrounded by people this simple bodily function becomes a whole other saga.

I weighed up my options. I looked to my left and there were two women running side by side and chatting, clearly friends. To my left was a personal trainer giving a first timer a hard going over on the treadmill. I decided that perhaps now might not be the most discreet of times to let out a silent yet deadly. And then I realised that that was not half the problem.

The funny feeling in my stomach was not a build up of gas… I needed to throw up.

I had two minutes left on my run and while quickly looking around for any sign of a bucket nearby I played battle of the wills with my body and my own bloody mindedness. Hell no! I only had one and a half minutes now left and if finishing that meant having to run to the bathroom to vomit afterwards then that was just the price I was going to have to pay. I told my body that I was sorry that I had pushed it too hard the first day back, and reasoned with it that it was for its own good.

Now I understand that this may all seem that the ramblings of a crazy person and lets face it, where is the sanity in deciding to run a marathon… hello that is 42 kilometres! Nevertheless I promised that this would be a no holes barred blog and I think I am covering every orifice in this particular blog… ok that was a joke.

So I finished my run and yes I am feeling pretty damn good about myself. Well I have felt so bad about not running that I have decided that I am no longer going to dread my runs because of how far back I have slid and I am going to attack every run with the tenacity and drive that I approached my first run… I am going to do this coz I sure as hell cannot fail! Smack that!

Week (what week are we on?) The Results

Weight: 94.3 kilos

So I ran 3 times last week and lost 0.2 kilos. On average it is pretty average. Not too happy with myself and feeling sick again, so I am having a sulk. Ok well at least the scales went down. Some small consilation at the moment...

We’re Back!

It has been a long month. A whole month of dealing with a sprained ankle and bronchitis and after a whole month of being too depressed to write anything I am back… and yes I am still running.

Last time I wrote I left you with a bruised and swollen ankle and although I could not run I was sure that it would only be a week and I would be back on the schedule. A week later I realised that there was more to it and went for x-rays to find that my ankle was in fact badly sprained. The doctor told me that it was a repeat injury from the sprain I had the year before and that the running had most likely triggered it. What does that mean for someone training for a marathon? Well it means that I needed to give it time to heal and then wear an air-brace every time I run in the future.

The idea of having to rest it was both a worry and a relief at the same time. I was relieved that I was not just overreacting and that I was going to have a set period of time where I could rest, recuperate and finally sort this problem out. Yet I was so worried that this would never a hundred percent be sorted out and that perhaps running was not the best idea full stop. Perhaps I should train to swim the English Channel instead…

Initially I was determined to keep my fitness level up and so headed back to the gym to do light cardio on the elliptical and lift weights, but within a week I had fallen sick to the winter cold and I had no energy to even get out of bed. The cold spread to my chest and so just walking up the stairs left me wheezing and catching my breath. I was beginning to feel like a walking, or better a limping ailment and I hated the feeling of self-pity that surrounded me.

On the up side I was still losing weight, but could feel that this was muscle rather than fat loss and I was dreading how my legs would feel the moment I started running again. I realised at this point that it is one thing to decide that you want to start running, to set targets and goals and go into it with such excitement and enthusiasm, and then there is restarting something when you were not even half way through.

This is why I could not write about it, because the only thought that was coming out of my head was, “We would have been doing the final practice run now”. And it is not as if we were staying where we were and could carry on as if nothing happened. For every week we missed we had to go a week back. It reached a point where I was so full of self pity that I thought we would just have to start over from scratch.

And then a cliché came to mind… When you fall you pick yourself up and start again. So what if we would have to start from the beginning and build ourselves up again! At least this time around we would be more prepared and perhaps we would progress quicker. It would be hard and would possibly take more determination than before, but if we were up for the challenge in the first place then we certainly were up for the challenge now.

So this week we weighed in and restarted our runs. I was not deterred too much that I had returned to 94.5 kilos. I was at that weight for so many weeks I guess my body is used to it. We thought we would see how we went and surprised ourselves by being able to do the 5 minute run/walk, so instead of being at the beginning of the 2 mile training program we were in fact half way through. That is not so bad… 4 weeks away from doing the full 2 mile run.

It has been a long month and I am so glad to put it all behind me.

And looking to the future, last week was the Tiberius marathon and my mentor ran the race in 3:19. Other than being unbelievably impressed and proud of her, I am re-inspired. Tiberius 2009… the FIRST marathon we plan on running. I hope to see you all there cheering us on!

Neglected

I know it has been a week since I have written and I would like to apologise for my neglect. It seems that not only am I struggling with the discipline of running, but I am also struggling with the discipline of writing about my training everyday. The truth is I do have the time, I have just chosen to spend it sat on a sofa watching movies, but no more… I will not neglect you again.

So instead of going back and playing catch up, I am giving you now a week a review:

Thursday 6 December 2007

Knowing that I had no time in the evening to run, I decided to get up early in the morning and do my run then. Going to the gym at 6.30am is a funny thing as the place is dead, the girls on reception usually so perky are croaky and quiet, and there are 50 free treadmills to choose from. After a decent night sleep the run was ok, but my limbs are not quite up for running in the morning. I think they prefer a full day’s warm up before hitting the pavement.

Friday 7 December 2007

Again I decided to give the morning running thing another go. They do say that running in the morning is the best, but my body just does not agree with the sentiment and after getting half way through the workout I had to settle on speed walking instead of running.

Saturday 8 December 2007

I took Saturday as one of my days off this week and enjoyed a relaxing weekend with the family. However, I noticed that my right ankle was swollen and had a large bruise on it. Time to put your feet up and relax. I just hope that the swelling goes down by Sunday. Big run on Sunday.

Sunday 9 December 2007 – Weigh In

So again I did not lose any weight this week. Yes it is a bit annoying, yes I feel somewhat frustrated, but I am not deterred. After all, am I doing this to be able to run a marathon, losing weight is not really the aim, although the more weight I lose the easier the runs will be. In any event there is little more I can do about it. I mean I am sticking to the workouts, sticking to the diet, so what more does the god of the scales want from me?

Today was a big day in our running schedule. Today we were running for almost the entire 30 minutes, only walking for 1 minute every 5 minutes. We were nervous, but excited and promised ourselves that we would give it our very best shot, but not give up on ourselves if we extended one or two of the walking times in between. Sadly we just did not get that far. Half way into the run I was feeling tired and my ankle started to ache. I carried on and tried to run through it, but as I stepped onto my foot to begin the 4^th repetition my ankle gave way and I almost fell in pain. We walked a little more and, determined to finish the run, I tried to run again, but by this stage it was painful to put any pressure on my foot and I had to give up.

I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes again, my face flushed red with disappointment and I lowered my head in shame. Another run this week that I could not finish.

“You are not crying!”

It was my sister

“I am serious you are not crying! You hurt your ankle, you are not going to try running on it again and you are not going to cry about it. It happens, it sucks, but we will do this, even if we have to do the week over again.”

I just don’t want to do the week over again

“Well at least this is all happening now.”

What if it happens during the marathon?

“Well then I will let you cry.”

Monday 10 December 2007

A very much needed Rest Day

Tuesday 11 December 2007

Knowing that I could not run I decided to head to the gym anyway and use this time to work on my weights and do other cardio that did not put so much pressure on my ankle.

I did 30 minutes on the Elliptical trainer, followed by a series of weights and exercises and then finished up by session with 30 minutes on the bike. I felt pumped and happy as I walked home. Yes my ankle still hurts, but I am not going to let it get me down. It isn’t broken, so it is not like I am going to be out of action for 6 weeks. 1 week tops and I will be back to normal and can start the week again. Only annoying part is that the training schedule originally finished before New Year. Now it looks like I am going to be spending New Years t-total and training. I guess it’s all about dedication… and “dedication’s what you need” so said Roy Castle.

Wednesday 12 December 2007

So I did something stupid today. I was running late for an appointment after work and so even though my ankle was sore I walk fast and hard the 20 minute walk that I needed to reach in 10 minutes. I was supposed to meet a friend at the gym afterwards, but after I got home and got undressed for the gym I saw how swollen my ankle had become and the pain was throbbing through my leg. There was no way I was going to run, cycle or walk on this thing tonight. Instead I decided to swap my rest days and give myself another day off my foot.

Do I feel like I am slacking off? Yes. Do I feel like a hypochondriac? Yes. Am I disappointed in myself? Yes

But so help you if you tell me I am slacking off! You try running on a bruised and swollen ankle and then tell me I am slacking off!

(Deep Breath)

Fat Girl Running

So while everyone else has been eating their Chanukah doughnuts I have been training as if everything is normal. It is pretty pathetic when you decide to treat yourself and the best you can do is a tuna fish sandwich and a tiny piece of chocolate without feeling the guilt, but I guess I should be grateful for it in some way.

Anyway today was a good workout day. I felt pretty good running on the treadmill today, well I did have a great view to distract me. (Note to oneself time to switch sides of the gym to run on. The far side definitely has the better view…). In addition, my best friend showed up half way through my workout, and although I have restricted my running to either with my sister or alone (that is if no-one is spying on me) because I am still shy of running in front of others, I realised that it is actually nice to run with someone you know next to you. Although, I do find it hard to run and talk at the same time on the treadmill without feeling like I am about to fall off.

After the run I went home and as I place my dinner of lemon and garlic chicken on the table and began flicking channels, I came across a documentary that really caught my eye. In 2003 James Peak, an overweight self proclaimed slob, decided to lose weight by running the London Marathon. He set himself 5½ months to get in enough shape and run the full Marathon. His video diary is a hilarious look at what it is for someone who has no fitness to set a goal such as this and struggle through the lack of beer, fags and curry (all very important to the average English male) and get to the finish line. I was astounded to watch his documentary, aptly named Fat Man Running, as he not only finished with a painful knee, but he finished in 4¾ hours, beating Frank Bruno by 200 yards! Some achievement by anyone’s standards I think.

Since I watched it, I have spent the last few hours searching for this man on the internet and facebook, but sadly this man seems to only have made one documentary and then disappeared back into obscurity. Shame, because I would have loved to talk to him about his training. Anyway even though I could not find him, I hope somewhere out there, perhaps in London, he is reading this and enjoys the shameless plug I am giving him and I want to say that it is nice to see I am not the only nutcase on this planet. Please do check out this link and watch the videos. I promise you, if I don’t inspire you to get off your arse and run, then he will!

Is Big brother watching?

Today I was not in the mood to run. To be honest all I was in the mood for was snuggling in front of a good movie with a pint of Haagen-Dazs and a large doughnut. I was not in the mood for going home, getting on my gym clothes and running for 5 minutes every 4 minutes for 30 minutes, but in the end that was exactly what I did. Remember I am learning discipline by doing exactly what I am told, and as the schedule tells me that today is a run day, well then that is what I am going to do.

It was a struggle. Sometimes after a rest day my muscles feel full of energy, ready to burn and the first run back is bursting with adrenaline. Today however, my muscles were heavy and tight and I sweated through the entire workout just counting down the minutes to the end.

Just as I took a deep breath and stretched out, relived and looking forward to go home and have a hot shower, I turned to see a friend running on the elliptical behind me. As I moved to go talk to her I heard my name being called. It was her boyfriend. As I spoke to him I noticed that my personal trainer was running next to him so made a swift exit. Swift it was not as almost every person I walked past was someone I know and everyone asked the same question, “How’s the running going?”

I smiled, I chatted, I tried to forget that I was bright red and sweating, but as I stood at my locker and heard the voice of people I recognised I suddenly became really paranoid… Am I being watched? Everyone knows. I haven’t kept it a secret. Are they spying on me to make sure that I am not just making it all up?

Time to get a grip and enjoy a guilt free glass of wine… it is good for your heart after all.

Week 4 – The Results

Weight: 94.5 kilos


Yup, nothing changes. My weight stayed exactly the same and the truth is to me it is like water off a ducks back. Well how could I feel down when I am now running more than I am walking? Yes you read correctly. We have now entered the second part of our training program that takes us from running and walking an equal amount of time to running for the full 30 minutes and then on to 2 miles. So how can I be blue about a few kilos when I can see true progress being made in my running distance and ability? Besides my tight jeans are now no longer tight; in fact they are pretty loose around my legs and bottom.

The thing bothering me at the moment is the reason that I am doing this. I mean I never talk about colon cancer in my blog, so how can I be spreading awareness when I am not talking about it. Even my dad is telling perfect strangers that his two daughters are running a marathon to lose weight!

So how do I change this gross misrepresentation of my intentions and my goal for this run? Well I could get in contact with my local Colo-rectal cancer society, but try as I may I cannot find one. It got me thinking…

When my friends go travelling they do their research. How? They get themselves a copy of the Rough Guide to the country they are planning on going to, they go and look on the Lonely Planet website and find people with the travel bug like themselves. They can even search the country and find many links to local guides and information about the country. But someone with cancer trying to find out information… well where do they go?

When I Googled Colon Cancer I got the general information about the Cancer, the causes, the symptoms, the treatments, but there is no section on ‘I have colon cancer so what should I do now?’ The truth is the more I read the more I realise that the experts have no clear answer to that question as more and more research is done on the disease and newer and newer treatments are emerging.

This is both positive and worrying to me as in there are clearly developments being made, but what is happening now on the ground for people battling it now? Where is the Rough Guide to dealing with Cancer?

On my run I thought about what it would be like if there was a central website that connected all continents, all forms of cancer and all those who suffer with it. I am now wondering if and how I could make this happen…

Week 3 - The Results

Weight: 94.5 kilos

I lost two kilos this week, so all those who saw me and said, “Wow Channah you are looking thin!” you were right. Although it means slightly less to me this time around. I remember how excited I was the second weigh in when I saw I had lost 1.6 kilos and I remember how gutted I was the week after when I put on 1.1 kilos. This week I looked at the scales and simply saw a number. I think I was pretty indifferent to it, or at least no way near as excited as when I managed to finish the 4 minute run routine yesterday. It is just weight. It is not really what I am working towards, although it is a nice cherry on the cake.

It especially so as I can really feel in every run how much additional weight I am carrying around. With every step I think to myself how much easier it would be if I was not schlepping around at least 20 bags of sugar around with me. I walk next to my sister, run in the gym next to a slim and toned girl, and all I can think to myself is, 'Yeah I could do that too without working up a sweat if I dropped a few pounds.' I am not being bitter. I have no one to blame for this state of affairs other than myself, and I accept that. I so too accept that it takes time and what I am doing by definition will help the pounds fall off and in turn help me run quicker and for longer.

It is a long process. There are going to be many hurdles ahead, but I am ready to face them one by one and so too feel the benefits of the weight dropping off kilo by kilo.

Two weeks ago I went to a friend’s house to catch up with the girls, and as I left after a night of drinking water while they drank wine my hostess turned to me and said, “Channah I am so shocked and impressed. I’ll be honest; I never thought you would make it past the first week.” I laughed and was so amused at the truth of her statement and thought to myself, ‘Damn I should have made bets! I could be raking in the cash!’ Now I am so sure that I am going to finish this thing. I admit in the beginning, I was filled with self-doubt and fear, but now I know I have nothing to fear… I have the greatest friends and family supporting my every step; I am running side by side with my sister who never lets me down and who I would never let down; and I now believe in myself. I believe that I can do this… and I cannot wait to get to the finish line!

Week 2 - The results

Weight: 96.6 kilos

(WARNING: Do not read if you are offended by the words ‘Constipated’, ‘Poo’, ‘Wind’ or words that relate to them)

I feel totally deflated. On top of the pain of my bloated stomach, I feel like someone has punched me in the gut. How could I have put on a kilo when I have been working so hard? It makes just no sense to me. The cruel hand of fate I mentioned last week certainly has had the last laugh, it is just so unfair. I worked my ass off, sticking to the program, constantly tweaking my diet with my nutritionist friend and to what end? A bloated stomach, a definite lack off pooing for 2 days and a weight gain of a kilo!

I tried to be happy for my sister’s weight loss, and I am happy for her, but as soon as I got on the scales all I could think about was the weight gain and how I was going to have to publish it on my ‘bloody blog’. My parents tried to say words of advice, “maybe you ate something wrong...” but I would not hear it. I had truly worked hard at this. You know when you have cheated, and I am sorry, but the small sized portion of desert I ate on Friday night which I had previously agreed with my nutritionist does not count as cheating!

Anyway, I had to shake it off because we had a run to do and Sunday is generally our toughest day. It is the day we take it up a notch and today we were upping our jogging time in our walk/jog routine of 30 minutes from 2 minutes to 3 minutes. On Saturday night we just completed the 2 minute routine with only slightly more ease than the day before, so we were both nervous about going up to 3 minutes. We made an agreement that we would give it our best shot for the first repetition and then if it became too hard we would reduce the time back to 2 or 2.5 minutes.

As we warmed up my sister gave me a pep talk to get me to shake off the blues of my weight gain.

DALYA: You know it could be muscle growth
ME: I know
DALYA: And you are bloated
ME: I am
DALYA: Come on Channah you know you are working at this. So what you had a set back are you just going to quit?
ME: HELL NO!!
DALYA: DAMN RIGHT!

And so with a fighting attitude we started our routine with the 5 minute walk, which we did faster than before, and moved into the first 3 minute run. I am not going to say that it was easy, because for sure it was not, but we ran together and our determination got us through the first rep. Into the second rep we maintained the fast pace of our first walk and then again completed the 3 minute run. We were pumped full of tenacity. Two more reps to go and we would be done. We could do this!

Into the third rep I knew I was tired and I knew that Dalya was tired, but we were determined. We were going to do this. But 2 minutes into the run my legs would not move any further. I felt like someone was stabbing my buttocks and despite my attempt to cry through the pain I simply could not go on. As we slowed down to a walk I did not feel defeat, I did not feel deflated as I did when I saw my weight on the scales. I felt angry. You know when a child has a screaming fit when they cannot have the toy they wanted. Imagine that child crying, wailing and sobbing. That was me. I carried on walking just as fast as the first walk, only I was holding my hips and crying like a baby.

Dalya turned to me and tried to comfort me, but I could not be touched. I was so embarrassed and yet I could not stop the tears. We carried on walking out the third rep and then made a final attempt to run the final rep. Again we only managed 2 minutes.

As we walked the cool down home I could not speak. I was so damn angry. The truth was I did not feel so tired. I could have run more, but my legs... my legs could not carry on and so I had to give in. I took deep breaths to try and quell the rage boiling inside me, but when I exhaled all I got was more tears.

DALYA: Talk to me
ME: I can’t

Dalya grabbed my hand and made me stop in the middle of the street and then my sister eight years my junior hugged me. It was a long hug and for a moment I forgot that we were stood on a main road with other walkers, joggers and cars passing by us wondering why two girls were hugging each other in running clothes.

DALYA: Why are you crying?
ME: Because it was bad enough that I put on weight, but you know this was never about the weight it was about doing this. And we could not even complete the 3 minute run.

DALYA: But we knew this before we started. We didn’t even think we would be able to do the first rep and we managed to do half the whole routine! And Channah you know that this time you walked faster that you ever did any of the times before and you kept a decent pace throughout all the jogs. I never had to slow down for you this time. You worked so hard this time and even if you are not proud of your workout today I am! I am proud of my workout today too!
ME: I know Dalya, but you don’t have to write about your failures in a blog.

DALYA: What failures? And who are you afraid of failing in front of? Your friends? This is not about your friends or our family being proud of you! That is not why you did this. Is it?
ME: No

DALYA: You did this for people who like you, never thought they would be able to do something like this. You did this to prove that if you can, then anyone can… Channah that is inspirational! You inspired me. I would not be doing this if it was not for you! We are all working at our goals because of you and you should feel good about that instead of feeling all this unnecessary pressure.
ME: I guess
DALYA: You guess?

I turned to her and smiled

ME: I guess if I can do it then really anyone can. But not everyone has you doing it with them Dalya.

To my darling sister Dalya: You are my inspiration! I don't know if I could do this if I did not have you by my side! If anyone in the Raánana area is looking for a personal trainer this girl will be fully trained in roughly a years time… at least she will be after having to deal with me!

Week 1 - The results

Weight: 95.5 kilos

So in terms of weight I did it. I lost 1.6 kilos this week, which works out at 3.5 pounds. I was so happy I near leapt off the scales onto my sister in joy. I had felt it over the last couple of days in my tight jeans which are getting less tight, but I half expected that by the usual cruel hand of fate it would have resulted in nothing. Thank goodness I was wrong.

To be honest I was pretty much looking forward to the weigh in. That was going to be the easy part. I was not, however, looking forward to the run. After Friday and the struggle to run a minute I was pretty resigned to the fact that I am not a runner and never would be, but I would still carry on because, well because of all of you. But then a funny thing happened. As we started to run (today was again 5 minutes walking and 1 minute jogging) I found that I could do it. I then realised that we were in fact running up hill and still I did not want to die. By the third round of running I realised, as I stretched my thighs out and connected with the road, that I was in fact running. I was not slowly jogging behind my sister today. I was running alongside her, even at times sprinting slightly to catch up with her and although it was certainly not easy it was not actually that hard.

I was buzzing so much at the end of the run that my sister and I did a celebratory high five before going home and doing 80 sit-ups. Watch this space… I might actually do this!