What’s a girl to do?

Before the 5k run I had somewhat of a breakdown. “Another one?” you may say, and I guess that would be fair enough… anyway moving on, I broke down, filled with doubt, filled with self-loathing and for the first time I felt like slapping myself around the face a few times before wrapping myself in bubble wrap and giving up. But I did not want to give up, so instead I took to verbally abusing myself, drill sergeant style. Yes Sir!

Some said I was being too hard on myself, and yes I guess it would have appeared to be so, but I could not shake the feeling in my head that if I truly was being 'so hard on myself' that I would look anorexic by now and would be running 5k no problem… or perhaps collapsing 1k into the 5k run because I am anorexic… I could ponder this matter for hours. However, as it stands I have been training for 4 months now (not including stoppage time due to injuries) and lost a total of 5 kilos on a good day and 3 kilos on a bloated day.

I wish I could say that I see a drastic difference in my body, but although I definitely feel a difference in my legs and arms, my middle section seems as big as ever and my jeans sit the same… In fact as my legs and arms have shrunk I feel like I am beginning to look not too dissimilar from Violet Beauregarde when she turns into a blueberry. And with how bloated I have been feeling lately a good juicing might actually do me good! Ok perhaps more like an Umpa Lumpa then!

You may think me vain, but this is not vanity talking. This is a need to be able to get up that hill without my legs cursing me with every step because I am carrying to heavy a load on top of them. At the beginning I kept telling myself, “The more you persist, the more weight you will lose and the easier it will become.” But 4 months on it I see little change in ease or weight. Am I really being too hard on myself?

After breaking down to my sister we discovered 2 things.

1. We do not stretch enough
2. 30 to 40 minutes of running 5 times a week may not be enough

Bearing this in mind we approached our next run with a serious stretching session beforehand. Fifteen minutes of stretching followed by ten minutes walking and then a little final stretch before running, and the result? The result was a big improvement! And I finished the run with far more energy than I had prior to the 3k run. Success!

But a week on and the weight has stayed exactly the same.

(sigh)

So what am I to do? Maybe just running is not enough. I guess if I really want to change my life I have to see this all for what it is… A life change. So what if I spend more of my life in my trainers than in heals! I haven’t really worn heals for years anyway. So what if I see my trainer and running buddies more than my friends. I can get new friends! Or my current friends can jump on the train and join me! Either way I cannot cope with another 4 months of the same. We have 9 months until we aim to run the full marathon and there is no way I am going to be the same weight now for that! “Hello Heart Attack!!!!”

In order to get my head around my new time schedule I wrote a list of things I have to do every week and how often I need to do them in order to be working towards my goal.

To Do

1. Sit ups every morning (as many as you can building up weekly)
2. Scheduled Run (5 times a week)
3. Personal Training Session including weight training (Once a week – I have 6 sessions left)
4. Yoga – (Once a week – for spiritual relaxation, stretching and toning the body)
5. Contact Nutrition friend for an emergency powwow and solve this mystery
6. Contact Mentor and see if maybe I am ready to trail behind her running
7. Find the joy in running again!! Might require fixing Ipod.

So far I have done sit ups every other morning (since Sunday), and contacted my Nutritionist friend and Mentor, but have as yet to book a day to run together… So much to do!!!

A Tough Lesson

Thanksgiving taught me a big lesson; Do not go out for dinner to anywhere, other than a restaurant where you already know what you are going to eat, without eating first.

After spending just under two hours shaking with hunger as the turkey was ravaged within thirty minutes of being put out, trying to quench back the tears because seriously what kind of person cries over food? Eating the fresh salad that was available, but feeling totally unfulfilled. Explaining to people that I am hungry because there is no food and although there clearly is food around the vegetables fried and baked in a thick fatty crust is not something I could put in my mouth right now. Being told, “Fuck it, the chocolate cake is really good why don’t you eat that,” and so giving in and having a bite only to feel physically sick because all my body wants is protein and everything else just tastes dry. Realising that as supportive as people can be they cannot empathise with being hungry when they are stuffed full and still enjoying the rest of the food that is around. Eventually deciding to leave, even though it seems rude because I’m getting paler and paler and feeling sicker and sicker, and walking home trying to stop myself from retching from lack of food, I decided that there was no-one to blame but myself so I should just suck it up, not cry and simply learn a tough lesson from it.

Day 11 - Raw

So I have finally calmed down about my nightmare trainer problem. It really is not a nightmare. I can take them back no problem and perhaps I was too hasty in trying out my new shoes and should have given my poor heels a little more time to heal.

So instead today I decided to take some positive steps to solving the problem without taking the shoes back right this second. I mean I really did not give them a chance. So in my lunch break I headed to the mall and managed to find that proper running socks are not the ‘sports’ socks that Marks and Spencers sell, nor are they the cute little trainer socks.

Proper running socks have padding. Padding that covers your heels and other areas that might potentially rub against your shoe. What if I had had these socks in the beginning? Would I have had to take back my first pair of trainers? Well I am going to test them out tonight so I will let you know.

I realise that I have spoken a lot about the training schedule and how the actual running is going, but what happens the other twenty three and 10 minutes of the day? What about my diet? Well the diet is still a work in progress. A lovely friend in the States has been helping me work out a diet that will suit the training program and me as I progress, but at the moment I am just enjoying food. This does not mean that I am stuffing my face with cakes though. I would like to state for a fact that this is something I have managed to avoid, despite many temptations of Birthday cakes, leaving cakes, and returning from holiday chocolates that have been flowing around my office in the last week alone.

When I say that I am enjoying my food I mean that I am enjoying the flavour of food more. I have been adding garlic and lemon and lots of vegetables to my skinless chicken to replace the fat, I have been eating raw fish and salads made with herbs instead of dressings. In this way I am enjoying the taste of all things natural and you know what I realised? I realised that the natural flavour is actually better.

It tastes real, fresh and it does not make you feel sick. The one issue is you really have to be in the mood to chop 6 different types of vegetables, marinate chicken and stand over the stove for an hour to feed one. I do agree, buying a burger is definitely easier. But I found a new fast food replacement… Sashimi (Raw Fish). I love it so much I have made it a bi-weekly take-out regime. Raw fish is an excellent source of protein, omega-3 fats (the good fats) and other nutrients like selenium, niacin and vitamin B12, phosphorous, magnesium and vitamin B6. Ok so I have no idea what all of these are for, but it sounds very healthy to me!

Plus it seems like everyone is going raw at the moment, even Gordon Ramsay has been talking about the benefits of eating raw foods; increased energy, radiant skin, lowering of body fat. Sounds like a win win situation to me. They have been opening raw food restaurants all over the place, London, New York… so when is some bright spark going to bring it to Israel! Tel Aviv… pretty please!!