Sunday, April 19, 2009

Getting up that hill

So it has really been 7 months since I plucked up the courage to even look at this blog, never mind contribute anything towards it. Despite the fact that in the last 7 months (ok the last 3 months have been a total bust due to personal issues) I have been working my little butt off to shrink my butt further, I have still been so ashamed of the fact that I have not been running. The Marathon that we had been planning to run came and went and my admiration for my brother-in-law who completed it in 3.45 hours was marred by my self loathing for not being there running by his side… ok running far behind him, but still running!

And then there have been the awkward meetings. The bumping into people I met a year ago whose first question is, “So how is the running going?” to which my response is an er… erm… er… followed by a red blushed shamefaced face and then the line which sounds more and more false the more I say it, “I was having problems with my knees so I have put running on hold until I get to the right weight for my frame so that I do not damage my knees further.” Oh the shame. I mean seriously who buys that shit! I am the one having problems with my knees and even I don’t believe it. Seriously girl if you want to quit then quit!

The problem is that; call it stubbornness, call it tenacity, I just do not want to quit. I want to run that race. I want to cross the finish line and feel that feeling I felt when I finished the 3k and the 5k runs… Yes relief, but also a serious sense of pride. I did it! I can do it! And as you are all my witnesses, I will do it!

Today I decided to put all my urges to stay in and swaddle myself in my duvet to the side and go for a morning workout. My workouts nowadays consist of one hour speed walking, followed by squats, lunges and weights (on alternate days). As this was the first day I have done any exercise in a while I decided to stick to the walk with my wrist weights and at 6.30am I was out of the house, pounding the pavement. I could definitely feel in my legs the difference between this morning’s workout and the last time I worked out. My thighs were aching, but I was enjoying the pain, like the first stretch in the morning… it feels good!

Three quarters of the way around and I began my walk up the hill towards the last stretch home. I could run that. I mean not sprint it or anything, but I could jog up that hill. But what about my knees? Well they have had a good old rest. I could just test them out a little. See what their reaction is. So I jogged up that hill and you know what? Yes I felt tired and breathless afterwards, but for the first time in a year I felt that feeling that I felt when I crossed the finish line. I felt proud of myself.

I’ll tell you how my knees are feeling tomorrow… I am back in the game!