I lost two kilos this week, so all those who saw me and said, “Wow Channah you are looking thin!” you were right. Although it means slightly less to me this time around. I remember how excited I was the second weigh in when I saw I had lost 1.6 kilos and I remember how gutted I was the week after when I put on 1.1 kilos. This week I looked at the scales and simply saw a number. I think I was pretty indifferent to it, or at least no way near as excited as when I managed to finish the 4 minute run routine yesterday. It is just weight. It is not really what I am working towards, although it is a nice cherry on the cake.
It especially so as I can really feel in every run how much additional weight I am carrying around. With every step I think to myself how much easier it would be if I was not schlepping around at least 20 bags of sugar around with me. I walk next to my sister, run in the gym next to a slim and toned girl, and all I can think to myself is, 'Yeah I could do that too without working up a sweat if I dropped a few pounds.' I am not being bitter. I have no one to blame for this state of affairs other than myself, and I accept that. I so too accept that it takes time and what I am doing by definition will help the pounds fall off and in turn help me run quicker and for longer.
It is a long process. There are going to be many hurdles ahead, but I am ready to face them one by one and so too feel the benefits of the weight dropping off kilo by kilo.
Two weeks ago I went to a friend’s house to catch up with the girls, and as I left after a night of drinking water while they drank wine my hostess turned to me and said, “Channah I am so shocked and impressed. I’ll be honest; I never thought you would make it past the first week.” I laughed and was so amused at the truth of her statement and thought to myself, ‘Damn I should have made bets! I could be raking in the cash!’ Now I am so sure that I am going to finish this thing. I admit in the beginning, I was filled with self-doubt and fear, but now I know I have nothing to fear… I have the greatest friends and family supporting my every step; I am running side by side with my sister who never lets me down and who I would never let down; and I now believe in myself. I believe that I can do this… and I cannot wait to get to the finish line!