What’s a girl to do?

Before the 5k run I had somewhat of a breakdown. “Another one?” you may say, and I guess that would be fair enough… anyway moving on, I broke down, filled with doubt, filled with self-loathing and for the first time I felt like slapping myself around the face a few times before wrapping myself in bubble wrap and giving up. But I did not want to give up, so instead I took to verbally abusing myself, drill sergeant style. Yes Sir!

Some said I was being too hard on myself, and yes I guess it would have appeared to be so, but I could not shake the feeling in my head that if I truly was being 'so hard on myself' that I would look anorexic by now and would be running 5k no problem… or perhaps collapsing 1k into the 5k run because I am anorexic… I could ponder this matter for hours. However, as it stands I have been training for 4 months now (not including stoppage time due to injuries) and lost a total of 5 kilos on a good day and 3 kilos on a bloated day.

I wish I could say that I see a drastic difference in my body, but although I definitely feel a difference in my legs and arms, my middle section seems as big as ever and my jeans sit the same… In fact as my legs and arms have shrunk I feel like I am beginning to look not too dissimilar from Violet Beauregarde when she turns into a blueberry. And with how bloated I have been feeling lately a good juicing might actually do me good! Ok perhaps more like an Umpa Lumpa then!

You may think me vain, but this is not vanity talking. This is a need to be able to get up that hill without my legs cursing me with every step because I am carrying to heavy a load on top of them. At the beginning I kept telling myself, “The more you persist, the more weight you will lose and the easier it will become.” But 4 months on it I see little change in ease or weight. Am I really being too hard on myself?

After breaking down to my sister we discovered 2 things.

1. We do not stretch enough
2. 30 to 40 minutes of running 5 times a week may not be enough

Bearing this in mind we approached our next run with a serious stretching session beforehand. Fifteen minutes of stretching followed by ten minutes walking and then a little final stretch before running, and the result? The result was a big improvement! And I finished the run with far more energy than I had prior to the 3k run. Success!

But a week on and the weight has stayed exactly the same.

(sigh)

So what am I to do? Maybe just running is not enough. I guess if I really want to change my life I have to see this all for what it is… A life change. So what if I spend more of my life in my trainers than in heals! I haven’t really worn heals for years anyway. So what if I see my trainer and running buddies more than my friends. I can get new friends! Or my current friends can jump on the train and join me! Either way I cannot cope with another 4 months of the same. We have 9 months until we aim to run the full marathon and there is no way I am going to be the same weight now for that! “Hello Heart Attack!!!!”

In order to get my head around my new time schedule I wrote a list of things I have to do every week and how often I need to do them in order to be working towards my goal.

To Do

1. Sit ups every morning (as many as you can building up weekly)
2. Scheduled Run (5 times a week)
3. Personal Training Session including weight training (Once a week – I have 6 sessions left)
4. Yoga – (Once a week – for spiritual relaxation, stretching and toning the body)
5. Contact Nutrition friend for an emergency powwow and solve this mystery
6. Contact Mentor and see if maybe I am ready to trail behind her running
7. Find the joy in running again!! Might require fixing Ipod.

So far I have done sit ups every other morning (since Sunday), and contacted my Nutritionist friend and Mentor, but have as yet to book a day to run together… So much to do!!!

Duck it!

For real! So in all the time that we trained up for the second leg of our marathon program, and ran the 5k, I never wrote one blog? Can that be so? I feel like every time I run I have been writing blogs along the way, but it would appear that my brain sadly is not a Blackberry and telepathy blogging has not come into existence yet, so really non of you have been hearing what has been going on in my little head during this big adventure.

Not necessarily a bad thing, because as some would say, I have been a big whinger throughout most of it. Not the whole of it… No after the 3k run I was full of enthusiasm and all pumped up ready to battle the next 2 to make 5k. However within a week I found that I simply could not do it.

At first I thought I was just having a bad day, but when that day went on for a week I realised something was not right. I kept reaching the first 1.5k and feeling ready to collapse. Determined I would keep going until I felt ready to throw up, then walk it out for a minute or so and then run the rest trying either to let the vomit just do its thing and come out, or hold it in as I tried to focus on the finish line.

More importantly I tried to block out the, “I cannot do this” thought that was going through my head every time I ran. It is funny somehow that the more you try to block it out, the louder it is. I felt like I was a child battling against an older self, cowering in the corner screaming back, “But I want to!!” but the scream was more of a whimper and I just could not stand up to myself.

This is where I thank the lord every day that I have my sister by my side watching my every run and knowing the point to say, “Ok Channah what is going on? Lets fix this already. You are not stretching enough… We are going to add more stretching to our workouts.”

And like the Good which of the North Glinda she waved her magic wand (made me do 15 minutes solid stretching) and suddenly I could run again! Ok I was not going to make such a fool out of myself on the 5k run!!

And if you check out the pictures below you will see we did. Ok so I had to walk part of the way up hill (note to oneself, must learn to run uphill) but I did not care. I was proud of us for doing it! And in any case… there are going to be many more race to come!!

Running to the finish line

All the runners and walkers!!! What stars!