Got Enema?

Time has flown by so quickly and I cannot believe that it is now a month since I last wrote. I am ashamed to say a month… I mean I made a promise that I would do this; do all of it including document the entire process and how can I do that when I am missing out entire months of details? Truth be told, I have lost a little of the momentum and to go out running, immediately come home and write about it is just an addition chore I don’t exactly loath, but would rather avoid most evenings.

It is truly a shame as most of the time while I am running my head is filled with witty anecdotes and musings that I would like to write about the life of a runner, but then I get home worn out, limp into a shower and allow the hot water to steam the thoughts out of my head and I walk zombie like to my bed and collapse.

I would like to emphasise at this point that although I may collapse into bed, it is a satisfied fall. We are now running distances instead of time and although it is hard and I am still plagued with doubt that we can actually do this, after running 2 miles yesterday with a 5 minute break in the middle. I have to say that I certainly have it in me. Whether I can step up to the plate on the day is another matter.

Since I last wrote we have also decided to partake in our first race. A 10k run in Ra’anana on March 14^th, 2008. Now I know that we are no way near ready to run a full 10k, maybe 5k at a stretch, but the idea is that we run as much as we can, walk the rest and ultimately get the ball rolling. I would like to stress to all those out there who are planning on coming to see us, we are not running to prove that we can do it, we know we can’t, we are doing it purely to spread awareness of Colon Cancer… ergo I am hunting for inspiration for CCA (Colon Cancer Awareness) T-shirts. I have seen little out there currently that is suitable, so I figured I would call on our supporters to come up with an appropriate slogan, but other than “Got Enema?” we have got very few suggestions back… I guess people are more sensitive about their bottoms than I thought.

Dad: I don’t want to see anything too rude
ME: So no a*$#hole?
Dad: No
ME: What about “How’s your Anus?”
Dad: No
ME: What about “Got the Runs?”
Dad: Am I expected to wear a T-shirt?
ME: Yes
Dad: No

Please HELP! Post your suggestions below... please!

Smack That

It would seem that this flu thing going around is hitting everyone twice and not to be one to be left out, I have once again spent the beginning of this week back in bed with a temperature and a runny nose. I have to say that the last couple of days have truly opened my eyes to what it must be to live ones life as a narcoleptic.

However, moving on and feeling once again my perky self I headed back to the gym to carry on with the training. Although after so much time off I was not really sure where to start. Should I go back to where I started from after my first relapse or should I just continue on as form. Right or wrong I decided to just push on and somewhere in the second half of my workout I felt a strange sensation surging up from my stomach and wondered to myself if it was just the need to pass gas.

Ok now… I know this may not be the most ladylike conversation, but truth be told exercise loosens the muscles and if done well, all the muscles. Not one person out there cannot admit to letting one rip in the middle of a yoga class, especially a yoga class! It is pretty much just part of nature.

When running outside one gives little thought to breaking wind as you are breaking a sweat, but when inside surrounded by people this simple bodily function becomes a whole other saga.

I weighed up my options. I looked to my left and there were two women running side by side and chatting, clearly friends. To my left was a personal trainer giving a first timer a hard going over on the treadmill. I decided that perhaps now might not be the most discreet of times to let out a silent yet deadly. And then I realised that that was not half the problem.

The funny feeling in my stomach was not a build up of gas… I needed to throw up.

I had two minutes left on my run and while quickly looking around for any sign of a bucket nearby I played battle of the wills with my body and my own bloody mindedness. Hell no! I only had one and a half minutes now left and if finishing that meant having to run to the bathroom to vomit afterwards then that was just the price I was going to have to pay. I told my body that I was sorry that I had pushed it too hard the first day back, and reasoned with it that it was for its own good.

Now I understand that this may all seem that the ramblings of a crazy person and lets face it, where is the sanity in deciding to run a marathon… hello that is 42 kilometres! Nevertheless I promised that this would be a no holes barred blog and I think I am covering every orifice in this particular blog… ok that was a joke.

So I finished my run and yes I am feeling pretty damn good about myself. Well I have felt so bad about not running that I have decided that I am no longer going to dread my runs because of how far back I have slid and I am going to attack every run with the tenacity and drive that I approached my first run… I am going to do this coz I sure as hell cannot fail! Smack that!

Week (what week are we on?) The Results

Weight: 94.3 kilos

So I ran 3 times last week and lost 0.2 kilos. On average it is pretty average. Not too happy with myself and feeling sick again, so I am having a sulk. Ok well at least the scales went down. Some small consilation at the moment...

We’re Back!

It has been a long month. A whole month of dealing with a sprained ankle and bronchitis and after a whole month of being too depressed to write anything I am back… and yes I am still running.

Last time I wrote I left you with a bruised and swollen ankle and although I could not run I was sure that it would only be a week and I would be back on the schedule. A week later I realised that there was more to it and went for x-rays to find that my ankle was in fact badly sprained. The doctor told me that it was a repeat injury from the sprain I had the year before and that the running had most likely triggered it. What does that mean for someone training for a marathon? Well it means that I needed to give it time to heal and then wear an air-brace every time I run in the future.

The idea of having to rest it was both a worry and a relief at the same time. I was relieved that I was not just overreacting and that I was going to have a set period of time where I could rest, recuperate and finally sort this problem out. Yet I was so worried that this would never a hundred percent be sorted out and that perhaps running was not the best idea full stop. Perhaps I should train to swim the English Channel instead…

Initially I was determined to keep my fitness level up and so headed back to the gym to do light cardio on the elliptical and lift weights, but within a week I had fallen sick to the winter cold and I had no energy to even get out of bed. The cold spread to my chest and so just walking up the stairs left me wheezing and catching my breath. I was beginning to feel like a walking, or better a limping ailment and I hated the feeling of self-pity that surrounded me.

On the up side I was still losing weight, but could feel that this was muscle rather than fat loss and I was dreading how my legs would feel the moment I started running again. I realised at this point that it is one thing to decide that you want to start running, to set targets and goals and go into it with such excitement and enthusiasm, and then there is restarting something when you were not even half way through.

This is why I could not write about it, because the only thought that was coming out of my head was, “We would have been doing the final practice run now”. And it is not as if we were staying where we were and could carry on as if nothing happened. For every week we missed we had to go a week back. It reached a point where I was so full of self pity that I thought we would just have to start over from scratch.

And then a cliché came to mind… When you fall you pick yourself up and start again. So what if we would have to start from the beginning and build ourselves up again! At least this time around we would be more prepared and perhaps we would progress quicker. It would be hard and would possibly take more determination than before, but if we were up for the challenge in the first place then we certainly were up for the challenge now.

So this week we weighed in and restarted our runs. I was not deterred too much that I had returned to 94.5 kilos. I was at that weight for so many weeks I guess my body is used to it. We thought we would see how we went and surprised ourselves by being able to do the 5 minute run/walk, so instead of being at the beginning of the 2 mile training program we were in fact half way through. That is not so bad… 4 weeks away from doing the full 2 mile run.

It has been a long month and I am so glad to put it all behind me.

And looking to the future, last week was the Tiberius marathon and my mentor ran the race in 3:19. Other than being unbelievably impressed and proud of her, I am re-inspired. Tiberius 2009… the FIRST marathon we plan on running. I hope to see you all there cheering us on!

Neglected

I know it has been a week since I have written and I would like to apologise for my neglect. It seems that not only am I struggling with the discipline of running, but I am also struggling with the discipline of writing about my training everyday. The truth is I do have the time, I have just chosen to spend it sat on a sofa watching movies, but no more… I will not neglect you again.

So instead of going back and playing catch up, I am giving you now a week a review:

Thursday 6 December 2007

Knowing that I had no time in the evening to run, I decided to get up early in the morning and do my run then. Going to the gym at 6.30am is a funny thing as the place is dead, the girls on reception usually so perky are croaky and quiet, and there are 50 free treadmills to choose from. After a decent night sleep the run was ok, but my limbs are not quite up for running in the morning. I think they prefer a full day’s warm up before hitting the pavement.

Friday 7 December 2007

Again I decided to give the morning running thing another go. They do say that running in the morning is the best, but my body just does not agree with the sentiment and after getting half way through the workout I had to settle on speed walking instead of running.

Saturday 8 December 2007

I took Saturday as one of my days off this week and enjoyed a relaxing weekend with the family. However, I noticed that my right ankle was swollen and had a large bruise on it. Time to put your feet up and relax. I just hope that the swelling goes down by Sunday. Big run on Sunday.

Sunday 9 December 2007 – Weigh In

So again I did not lose any weight this week. Yes it is a bit annoying, yes I feel somewhat frustrated, but I am not deterred. After all, am I doing this to be able to run a marathon, losing weight is not really the aim, although the more weight I lose the easier the runs will be. In any event there is little more I can do about it. I mean I am sticking to the workouts, sticking to the diet, so what more does the god of the scales want from me?

Today was a big day in our running schedule. Today we were running for almost the entire 30 minutes, only walking for 1 minute every 5 minutes. We were nervous, but excited and promised ourselves that we would give it our very best shot, but not give up on ourselves if we extended one or two of the walking times in between. Sadly we just did not get that far. Half way into the run I was feeling tired and my ankle started to ache. I carried on and tried to run through it, but as I stepped onto my foot to begin the 4^th repetition my ankle gave way and I almost fell in pain. We walked a little more and, determined to finish the run, I tried to run again, but by this stage it was painful to put any pressure on my foot and I had to give up.

I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes again, my face flushed red with disappointment and I lowered my head in shame. Another run this week that I could not finish.

“You are not crying!”

It was my sister

“I am serious you are not crying! You hurt your ankle, you are not going to try running on it again and you are not going to cry about it. It happens, it sucks, but we will do this, even if we have to do the week over again.”

I just don’t want to do the week over again

“Well at least this is all happening now.”

What if it happens during the marathon?

“Well then I will let you cry.”

Monday 10 December 2007

A very much needed Rest Day

Tuesday 11 December 2007

Knowing that I could not run I decided to head to the gym anyway and use this time to work on my weights and do other cardio that did not put so much pressure on my ankle.

I did 30 minutes on the Elliptical trainer, followed by a series of weights and exercises and then finished up by session with 30 minutes on the bike. I felt pumped and happy as I walked home. Yes my ankle still hurts, but I am not going to let it get me down. It isn’t broken, so it is not like I am going to be out of action for 6 weeks. 1 week tops and I will be back to normal and can start the week again. Only annoying part is that the training schedule originally finished before New Year. Now it looks like I am going to be spending New Years t-total and training. I guess it’s all about dedication… and “dedication’s what you need” so said Roy Castle.

Wednesday 12 December 2007

So I did something stupid today. I was running late for an appointment after work and so even though my ankle was sore I walk fast and hard the 20 minute walk that I needed to reach in 10 minutes. I was supposed to meet a friend at the gym afterwards, but after I got home and got undressed for the gym I saw how swollen my ankle had become and the pain was throbbing through my leg. There was no way I was going to run, cycle or walk on this thing tonight. Instead I decided to swap my rest days and give myself another day off my foot.

Do I feel like I am slacking off? Yes. Do I feel like a hypochondriac? Yes. Am I disappointed in myself? Yes

But so help you if you tell me I am slacking off! You try running on a bruised and swollen ankle and then tell me I am slacking off!

(Deep Breath)

Fat Girl Running

So while everyone else has been eating their Chanukah doughnuts I have been training as if everything is normal. It is pretty pathetic when you decide to treat yourself and the best you can do is a tuna fish sandwich and a tiny piece of chocolate without feeling the guilt, but I guess I should be grateful for it in some way.

Anyway today was a good workout day. I felt pretty good running on the treadmill today, well I did have a great view to distract me. (Note to oneself time to switch sides of the gym to run on. The far side definitely has the better view…). In addition, my best friend showed up half way through my workout, and although I have restricted my running to either with my sister or alone (that is if no-one is spying on me) because I am still shy of running in front of others, I realised that it is actually nice to run with someone you know next to you. Although, I do find it hard to run and talk at the same time on the treadmill without feeling like I am about to fall off.

After the run I went home and as I place my dinner of lemon and garlic chicken on the table and began flicking channels, I came across a documentary that really caught my eye. In 2003 James Peak, an overweight self proclaimed slob, decided to lose weight by running the London Marathon. He set himself 5½ months to get in enough shape and run the full Marathon. His video diary is a hilarious look at what it is for someone who has no fitness to set a goal such as this and struggle through the lack of beer, fags and curry (all very important to the average English male) and get to the finish line. I was astounded to watch his documentary, aptly named Fat Man Running, as he not only finished with a painful knee, but he finished in 4¾ hours, beating Frank Bruno by 200 yards! Some achievement by anyone’s standards I think.

Since I watched it, I have spent the last few hours searching for this man on the internet and facebook, but sadly this man seems to only have made one documentary and then disappeared back into obscurity. Shame, because I would have loved to talk to him about his training. Anyway even though I could not find him, I hope somewhere out there, perhaps in London, he is reading this and enjoys the shameless plug I am giving him and I want to say that it is nice to see I am not the only nutcase on this planet. Please do check out this link and watch the videos. I promise you, if I don’t inspire you to get off your arse and run, then he will!

Is Big brother watching?

Today I was not in the mood to run. To be honest all I was in the mood for was snuggling in front of a good movie with a pint of Haagen-Dazs and a large doughnut. I was not in the mood for going home, getting on my gym clothes and running for 5 minutes every 4 minutes for 30 minutes, but in the end that was exactly what I did. Remember I am learning discipline by doing exactly what I am told, and as the schedule tells me that today is a run day, well then that is what I am going to do.

It was a struggle. Sometimes after a rest day my muscles feel full of energy, ready to burn and the first run back is bursting with adrenaline. Today however, my muscles were heavy and tight and I sweated through the entire workout just counting down the minutes to the end.

Just as I took a deep breath and stretched out, relived and looking forward to go home and have a hot shower, I turned to see a friend running on the elliptical behind me. As I moved to go talk to her I heard my name being called. It was her boyfriend. As I spoke to him I noticed that my personal trainer was running next to him so made a swift exit. Swift it was not as almost every person I walked past was someone I know and everyone asked the same question, “How’s the running going?”

I smiled, I chatted, I tried to forget that I was bright red and sweating, but as I stood at my locker and heard the voice of people I recognised I suddenly became really paranoid… Am I being watched? Everyone knows. I haven’t kept it a secret. Are they spying on me to make sure that I am not just making it all up?

Time to get a grip and enjoy a guilt free glass of wine… it is good for your heart after all.